May+Dee is eight! How did twelve months fly by just like that? I still recall penning thoughts about our seven-year marriage journey last year. The content remains relevant, and the lessons are genuinely relatable. We are grateful for another year that has enabled us to grow more in love. We are seeing daily how narratives on love and marriage are being shaped, especially on social media. It is, however, important to carefully distil the information being consumed and define what it is you want. The subject of this piece seems to be cliché, but there is a growing pattern such that couples are not making the most of their marriage to plan adequately. So, this short piece looks at the salient area a couple and family must consider when planning.
Why plan?
The popular saying goes that when the purpose of a thing is unknown, abuse is inevitable. Therefore, understanding what it means and takes to plan is crucial. From our clueless undergrad days to young professional survival mode, one thing that comes to mind is the ability to plan, even when there wasn’t a clear and realistic path. As we approach the first decade of our union, the last year has been one we have reflected so much on our journey and set long-term plans in motion. Mind you, this is not a lecture or a motivational piece because sometimes all you may have could be a goal, dream, or vision you want to achieve at some point, but you do not know how yet. A plan details how you want to achieve the goal and what you must do to achieve it. What a plan does is help identify steps and resources for that goal to become a reality. As a married couple, we are, first, individuals, though two have become one. Irrespective of this, understanding our individual life plans before and very early in marriage will save a lot of heartaches. In fact, discussing these plans while dating helps to decide if there is an alignment at all that may lead to marriage.
Understanding your times and seasons
Paying attention to times and seasons is one of the lessons the last year has revealed. From our fifth anniversary, it became clearer that some things will take time, and the growth process cannot be rushed. Just like a seed is planted in the ground during the planting season, it is important to know what time and season you are in so that you blossom when it is the right time. There are seasons of seedlings and sprouting when we are supposed to dig deeper and take roots downwards. At this stage, the marriage foundation is being established and tested. The cracks will begin to show if there is no alignment in the individual life plans; it could even be your individual values to start with.
Once the roots are solid, the growth stage comes, when you embrace each other by strengthening every area of your life as a couple or family. During this stage, child(ren) may come into the mix (numerical growth), so if the couple is not careful, they lose focus. Every entity within the system – man, woman and child(ren) – is very important in the growing season and must be adequately cared for physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. The flowering and fruit seasons follow afterwards. It is very important not to mix both up. Once flowers come out, the beauty is seen externally, but the fruits are not out yet, and we have to continue to nurture them till the fruit season. The amazing thing about these seasons is that different couples go through each at different times. Some may take two years to reach a fruiting stage, and others may take 10, 15 or even 20! To add that the fruit season of one stage is the planting season for another stage, so the cycle never ends till death do us part!
What needs to be planned?
Simple! EVERYTHING! It sounds easy, but it is not. Because we are different individuals, the art and science of planning may be taken in a different light. For example, I am spontaneous, while Mabel is methodical. Sometimes, she asks me my plans for the next weekend on a Tuesday, and I am like, huh? It’s barely Tuesday; how do you want me to talk about four days from now? While this is very short-term, we also have to plan mid-and long-term. Essentially, you plan your family lifestyle – what you eat/wear and where you live, which school the child(ren) attend and so on.
Financial and professional development should rank high in the plans as well. Questions like what the family income is, what percentages go to what, how that income can be increased in 3 to 5 years and what skills should be acquired to aid that increase should be answered. Also, answering these questions helps to frame potential timelines and opportunities each person explores. As much as I advocate for dual income channels (from both husband and wife), I appreciate the thinking behind better social systems in first-world countries that gives child benefits to families.
Parenting, which may involve one parent staying home at some point in a child’s life, takes a lot of time and effort. So, if the season warrants this, the couple must plan as a unit. It automatically determines plans for having children and when. Each plan category should also have short-, mid-, and long-term approaches.
TEAM – Together, we achieve more
On a personal note, it is important to emphasise the amazing results working together as a team brings. Once you ensure you are not competing against each other, with anyone else or under the pressure of society, you take control of your life and family. Toward the end of 2022, I was at a work retreat when a colleague commented during a review of the project I had led for about 13 months at the time. He said: “You took in a lot during the year (2022). You had a baby, started an MSc, moved countries with your entire family and delivered on the project beyond the set expectations”. I paused and took it in. I now realise it took a lot but thankful for a super-woman of a Partner!
Words are never enough, my Peaches; let’s continue to do this thing called life together! Happy May the Ninth, version 8.0, to us!
if ($Jesus_tarries) {
for ($MayDee = 1; $MayDee <= 100; $MayDee++) {
echo "I'd be loving you till $MayDee <br>";
}
}